Decided to win her over no matter what? Brace for the consequences. How to get your ex back?

Let’s talk about a question that comes up all the time: is it worth chasing a woman hard – pouring in effort, gifts, attention – in the hope that eventually she’ll “surrender” and become yours?

Yeah, it can technically work. But when a guy starts over-investing from the very beginning – constantly initiating, doing everything for her – she sees it as an advance payment. She assumes even bigger things are coming. In the process he completely throws off the balance of importance, puts himself in the needy position, and hands her all the leverage. Can that kind of effort ever tip the scales in his favor? Sure, if the options are otherwise identical – a few guys who all look the same – the one who invests the most might get picked as a tie-breaker.

But the second a confident guy shows up who doesn’t chase, doesn’t care if she likes him or not, who just carries that natural masculine energy, she’ll feel the pull and choose him without a second thought. The heavy investor never stood a real chance.

Once she’s used to the over-investment, her expectations only grow. She’ll dump negativity on him, throw constant complaints, even cheat thinking “he’ll put up with it.” Meanwhile the guy is walking on eggshells, terrified of losing her. He’s convinced “just a little more and she’ll finally be mine.”

Where did this myth even come from – that showering a woman with attention and nice things will win her over? Some say “it makes her feel good, so she’ll stay.” Feeling good is nice, but it’s not what drives her choice. Attraction is instinctive. Doing too much too soon doesn’t trigger the instincts that make her pick you – it does the opposite.

Others claim women respect persistence and proof of serious intentions. Complete nonsense. Plenty of women break up families and chase married men without a second thought. “Serious intentions” don’t stop them when the attraction isn’t there.

Every woman is capable of chasing a man herself when she really wants him. Guys love to say “mine’s different – she’s super principled, would never bend.” That’s just the story she sold him (and he bought) so he stays scared to rock the boat. Any woman can be drawn to the right energy.

Bottom line: chasing and over-investing early on almost never pays off.

What about gifts and nice gestures? Can they be done right? Absolutely – but only when they come from your own desire, not from trying to impress or buy affection. Taking her to a great restaurant because you feel like it and can easily afford it? Fine. Doing it on your last dime to “wow” her? Disaster. Women sense the difference instantly. There’s also the idea that older women become more rational – hormones calm down, they’ve been burned by bad boys, so they’ll finally choose the reliable, generous guy with their head instead of their heart. Partly true. The rational side might push her toward stability. She sees calm, consistency, someone who does a lot for her. But where does it actually lead?

Example story. A guy spent an entire year going all out for a woman – skipping meals, spending every penny on her, turning her life into a constant celebration. He was actually a solid, interesting dude, but completely obsessed. The level of effort was unlike anything most people have ever seen.

After a full year of being strung along, she finally said yes. They started dating. He thought he’d won. Six months later she left him for another guy – the classic type who doesn’t do much for her but triggers that raw attraction. He couldn’t let go. The emotional investment was too deep. He waited, convinced she’d come back once things fell apart with the new guy.

And she did. They got back together. Same pattern – she left again. He waited again. Fast-forward years: she has a kid with someone else, marries that guy, divorces him. Eventually she ends up back with the original chaser. They get married. They’re still together today. Sounds like a success story, right? He “won” in the end. But look closer: he’s grinding away, tolerating all her moods and demands, still over-investing, getting almost nothing real in return, raising another man’s child.

She only settled because her options dwindled and he offered stability after the exciting ones crashed and burned. And even now, nothing guarantees she won’t walk again the moment something better shows up.

Guys, nobody should wish that kind of “victory” on themselves. If you’re currently in this spot – chasing a woman who isn’t reciprocating, fantasising about the perfect future if you just try harder – snap out of it. You’re wasting emotional energy, money, time on someone who doesn’t want you the same way. Life feels heavy because you’re letting one uninterested woman drag you down. This isn’t building anything – it’s pure self-destruction.

Even if you somehow “win” her, she can leave anytime, disregard your needs, betray you without hesitation. Stop. Move on. You’ll regret the years lost far more than the temporary pain of walking away. What you actually need is a woman who wants you, who meets you halfway or more. Anything else is a losing game. Don’t tell yourself “my situation will be different.” It won’t. Take care.